I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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