There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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