I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
