i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it's great music for shaving your balls
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No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
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Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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