Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
