Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize