I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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