It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize