Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
