This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
