I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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