i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
