Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
