Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We need to get me chipped asap
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