Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
