would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
