she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
