barbara walters just said penis...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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