Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
