just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
