sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This baby is an asshole
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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