i jhust puked up my retainher.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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