I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
