omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
