I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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