I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
