Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How external is "for external use only"?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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