I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
