I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
