Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
