Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
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I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize