I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
