How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
