I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Randomize
