kristin has been a bad kristin
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
