The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
