M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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