my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
