He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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