There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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