This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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