Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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