I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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