So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
