$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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