I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think I died a long time ago.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
