Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
