do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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