I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
