his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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