she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
