I want to make a zoo with you.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
