I wish I could teleport
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
