It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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