What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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