I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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