There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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