you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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