"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
4 words: hood of his car
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
