At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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