this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
