So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
