a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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