My brain says no but my pants say off.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
