Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
