He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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