My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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