Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
