i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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