Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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