Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
