hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
