Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My feet surprised me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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