Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
