Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
