I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
